Last year around this same time I created a mantra to live by that focused on living life consciously rather than complacently allowing life to “just happen”. My mantra outlined goals for the kind of friend I wanted to be, the areas I wanted to dedicate my focus and ultimately the woman I want to eventually become. Just over a year later I don’t think I’m there yet, however, I didn’t expect myself to be. That is the thing about a self, it is never completely complete. I think we are always in the process of “becoming”.
Over the past year I’ve struggled to conquer some mountain like obstacles in my life. There have been successes (woot!) and there have been some avalanches that have knocked me back towards the base of said mountain. I’ve worked hard to create a more stable life, a more balanced life but despite my efforts life will never be completely stable. Life is chaotic at its very essence which is both beautiful and terrifying.
As I conquer a tiny mountain I’ve been climbing for a few months now I am excited (and nervous) for a few changes on the horizon. I’m welcoming a new position at a new company, tackling a giant writing project and collaborating with my best friend on something creative. Meanwhile I’m daydreaming about European castles and the New York city skyline and begging my boyfriend to jump on board with my severe case of wanderlust. I’m making lists in my sleep and waking up early filled with fire and creative energy ready to take on the day and “climb my mountains”. I’m obsessing over gold foil file folders and desktop calendars written in handwritten script. I’m ordering books on personal improvement and self knowledge like a manic madwoman…and who knows, maybe I am?
Since I still measure my “growth” in school years (aka September to June) I feel fairly reflective as summer begins. Since last June so much has changed and I feel saturated with new knowledge of myself, of those around me and of the world but at the root I still have the same goals. I still want to live an examined life, to be the kind of girl who can toast her friends at parties and also kill it on a research paper. I want to be caring and compassionate and filled with love while maintaining a sense of confidence and strength. I want to be my own advocate while working to help those who don’t have a voice. I want it all, and in this one beautiful life on this crazy little blue planet…why shouldn’t I?
How have you grown over the past year? Do you embrace change or kind of hate it? What type of person do you want to be?