Breakups are so tricky (and sucky, let me emphasize sucky). Even the breakups you know are for the best in the long run leave you curled up in a ball crying and listening to Taylor Swift by candlelight. When I’m going through a breakup I try and conquer my bad feelings with exercise, after all endorphins make you happy and happy people just don’t lay in bed all day eating Ben & Jerry’s and sobbing to Taylor Swift songs-they just don’t! All the endorphins in the world may help ease the pain (and chisel your six pack) but it’s not magic, a broken heart needs time to mend!
Breakups leave us feeling helpless and empty, pathetic and wounded. Looking at the silver lining they’re a bit liberating, “Why would I want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me?!” but the defining sadness and disappointment is more humbling-“How did I put so much effort into loving someone who didn’t want to love me back?”. For better or for worse there will be times in every girl’s life she is left crying in coffee shops over a boy who doesn’t want her (despite her fabulous shoes and go-getter attitude). As a strong, independent and capable woman it’s belittling to find yourself crying over the loss of a man so heavily, but it doesn’t need to be. You, the strong, beautiful, self reliant Fairy Princess that you are still deserve to be sad!
I’ve been on both sides of a break up and though I don’t wish to experience one any time soon I am grateful for the breakups I have struggled through. These relationship splits have taught me about dating but more importantly my breakups have taught me substantially more about myself as an individual. Watching a few close friends go through painful breakups has reminded me how fragile our hearts really are. Just a few months ago I was tossing and turning as I cried myself to sleep only to reawaken each morning to the stabbing pain of a nightmare I could not wake up from. I cried until my skin grew pruney in the bathtub and my pain felt entirely too big for the world to handle. A funny thing happened though-as I cried and rehashed the same feelings and scenarios over and over again both to myself and to my besties I eventually healed. I realized that just because I was comfortable and content (and sometimes even happy) in a relationship did not mean it was sustainable long term.
Now I’ve reached a moderately sad yet empowering view on breakups; no matter how deeply and strongly you loved, no matter how romantic your future seemed and how picture-perfect your Pinterest wedding board was curated-you will heal and in time you will love again. It may seem disloyal to accept that the love of your life (thus far) is replaceable. Any person we choose to give our devotion to will hold a place in our hearts forever (“There are all kinds of love but never the same love twice”) yet the deep desire to be together isn’t everlasting. Knowing that love, even “true love”, is not necessarily the only love out there for us is rather beautiful. If there is no such thing as a soul mate and our hearts can meld with multiple souls over a lifetime doesn’t commitment become much more powerful. Rather than searching for our prince charming and once finding him riding off into our happily ever after, instead we choose him over and over again every single day.
We don’t meet someone who makes our lives perfect, even if they do enhance the beauty. Even the boy whose laugh makes your heart skip a beat will eventually drive you insane when he’s whining about his sore throat and coughing up mucus next to you in bed as you attempt to sleep. Love isn’t about finding “the one” but choosing happiness and hard-work with one person day after day. It’s a two way street meaning that if he isn’t also choosing you (day after day) he isn’t “your one” and you shouldn’t keep fighting for it!
What are your views and experiences with breakups? How do you help a friend coping with a difficult split?