“I hope that someday if something happens and we can’t be together I hope you leave this relationship better than you were when you came into it“.
The simplistic words you uttered so softly laying beside me felt gentle and genuine, a love I’d never felt before. It filled my heart not with the butterflies or the dizzying giddiness that excites me with each kiss or electric touch but with the most overwhelmingly surreal warmth. I felt overwhelming warmth and then overwhelming sadness as I realized I’d never been truly loved a single time in my life. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes though I didn’t know if they were to mourn my nativity in years past or the fulfillment I had found in that moment.
They tell you love is caring for the happiness and well being of another above that of yourself. In a world where mothers abandon their children and even the waves that softly kiss the sand day in and day out can rise up and destroy entire cities I never believed in the sort of love you’re told to look for. “I’m always the one who loves more deeply” I’d come to discover. I longed for a single soul who wouldn’t place me second or third or fourth (or last) but resolved that such a love did not exist. The world is rough and people are selfish. I can’t say what will happen over time as the world erodes away at the life I have in this moment but I do know that for a second though it may be fleeting, for a second I had the love sonnets are written about. How lucky am I to feel so saturated in selflessness even for a brief millisecond?
I hope that should there come a time when we cannot be together the pieces of this relationship leave you better forever and ever. For right now though you are my muse and together we are writing a very beautiful love story.
I hope you feel what it means to be loved.