Today I want to share a piece of my life that is sacred, I want to share a part of me that feels pure and rare. I want to share these pieces with you not because I need the validation or because I feel as if releasing these feelings into writing will make them more real but because I am bursting at the seams with happiness. I’m giddy, I’m enchanted, I’m enamored. I’m smitten. I’m questioning everything I thought I knew about the world yet I’m in the most weirdly stable state because everything just sort of makes sense. I understand why past relationships fell apart and I’m grateful (beyond grateful) that these good things fell apart because it has led me to this very moment. I don’t believe in fate, I don’t believe in destiny, I don’t believe in soul mates and for Godssake as Queen Elsa would say “You can’t marry a man you just met” (so no one freak) but I do believe in a spark, I do believe that even a person who is smart can listen to their heart (Thanks Elle Woods) and above all else I believe in friendship.
Friendship goes beyond an affinity for fashion, a distaste for beer and raw hatred for football. A best friend might share your love of bruschetta and closet hatred of camping but a true best friend is so much more than that. A true best friend can sense the way you’re feeling when you stand at the edge of the ocean and let the icy waters of the Pacific Ocean splash against your toes at sunset. A best friend doesn’t judge you when you eat an entire pizza to yourself at 3:00am or for the fact that all you ever want to order when you go out to Thai is Pad Thai. A best friend can make you burst into hysterical body quaking laughter staging photo shoots in hotel rooms. A best friend notices the cute way you sneeze and recalls your Starbucks order. A best friend calls you at work when he/she knows you’re stressed and without saying anything profoundly inspirational can make your entire day that much brighter. A best friend yearns to see every piece of you-the smooth and the jagged, the pieces that glimmer and the pieces that look dark. A best friend sees all of those pieces and loves you sans judgement. I know a lot about best friends, I’m in the business of collecting the most radiantly sparkling ones around actually. I only accept best friends and the ones I’ve found surrounding me are the most beautiful people (both internally and externally) I have ever encountered. I know a lot about friendship and I’m starting to realize I know very little about dating. I’ve recently adopted a new best friend.
The past few weeks have simultaneously felt like five minutes and five years. Time has moved so fast as if someone has pressed the fast forward button on my life and while each perfect moment feels more important than ever it’s all whirling past me before I can blink or breathe or move or process. Driving through the night and watching the sunrise over Mt. Shasta, kissing by the Golden Gate Bridge, rushing from gas station to gas station at midnight buying power-ball tickets hoping to score the winning one, boycotting the Superbowl to drink the world’s best hot chocolate and ride the Seattle ferris wheel, loosing track of time sharing secrets and dreams and freaking out about how oddly similar two people named Jordy(a)n can be. I keep playing it back in my mind, I keep smiling at the strangest time and giggling mid conversation, I keep falling faster and harder for the boy who woke up at 6:00am just to get coffee with me before I headed to work, who planned a spontaneous road trip with me, who told me he would get a speeding ticket every single day if he had to in order to see me (and proceeded to receive 4 within 2 weeks, 2 within 4 hours of eachother). There are no words to describe my admiration and adoration for the boy who stared past my green eyes and straight into my soul from day one. I keep replaying every moment in an attempt to grasp onto the magic and enchantment but it keeps getting better and better. I guess you could say I’ve been swept away.
I’ve met a boy whose very essence inspires me, whose spastic weirdness ignites every corner of my soul, whose green eyes and glasses make me swoon, whose extroversion and charm bring me balance and whose belief in me actually makes me believe in myself. I’ve met a boy that has allowed me to let go of my fears and break down my walls. I’ve met a boy that wants my complications and complexity and wants to let me see his. There is a beautiful lyric in Taylor Swift’s “You are in love” that has really resonated with me. Taylor sings “You understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars, and why I’ve spent my whole life trying to put it into words“. I never knew I didn’t understand but now that I do I realize how ignorantly lost I’ve been as I wandered in and out of relationships for the past 4 years. I understand now that I never understood anything. I understand now that everything I ever thought I knew about relationships and love doesn’t matter now. There just simply isn’t a way to articulate my emotions without coming across like a boy crazy thirteen year old with her first crush. I can’t yet put these emotions properly into words but I can hear it in the silence. I can see it with the lights out.
Thank you for following my crazy lovestruck little fairytale. Please tell me all the details on your Valentine’s Day weekend (even if you weren’t busy tripping over your own feet and stumbling into a full fledged romance with a boy who shares your name).