If you would have asked me roughly a month ago where my life was headed I would have burst into tears. In fact I’m pretty sure I spent the entirety of January 1st and 2nd crying. I was exhausted, I was heart broken, I’d just let my own sadness get in the way of my relationship with my best friend. I was pushing away the people closest to me. It was a bad place, it was a heart shattering feeling. I like to refer to December and early January as the dark ages (okay maybe it’s the first time I’ve ever said that but I think it has a nice ring to it). Pieces of my heart were scattered in shards all around me but it never ceases to amaze me how quickly you can mosaic your heart back together sometimes without realizing you’re even in the process of doing so.
I moved back to Seattle feeling helpless and disheartened. Everything felt new but not in a happy way…in a scary way! Fast forward roughly four weeks and I can hardly recognize myself. I’m feeling a little careless, a little reckless and I can’t help but feel like this portion of my life is meant to be this daring adventure. I feel refreshed, I feel energized, I feel inspired! There are times to live gently and carefully and there are times to throw caution to the wind.
There are times responsibility is crucial. I take my job seriously. I take other people’s feelings seriously. I take matters of life and death seriously. I take being on time for any/all coffee dates seriously but must we take everything else so seriously? If I metaphorically let my hair down and dive head first into adventure is it potentially possible that I won’t continue to have panic attacks on a daily basis? I think maybe.
I’m a planner to the core. I make lists in my sleep. I’ve had multiple
dreams nightmares about my highlighters drying out. I’ve been known to cry over the anxiety of arriving to work or class or an appointment late. I’m slowly discovering that in all arenas life is about balance. There are so many moments that require precision and careful planning and then there are those crazy moments that may call for spontaneous burst into “Hey I just met you & this is crazy but here’s my number so let’s go on a week long vacation together maybe“.
Helen Keller preached “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all“. I can say with complete confidence she wasn’t referring to ski trips with boys you only just met but I like to think if Helen Keller and I were besties she’d be on board with my spontaneity.
Are you spontaneous? What is your idea of a “daring adventure”?