After a whirlwind December (which we will now refer to formally as “December of Despair” which of course followed the “Fall of Fun”)I’ve dived into January head first. There’s the whole new apartment deal (pictures coming as soon as I get rid of all the boxes I promise), a new job (with the most snuggly adorable twins) and so I thought…let’s get this new dating life rolling too. First dates are probably my favorite encounter in all the universe. As someone who thrives off of awkwardness and gets an adrenaline rush as I hyperventilate in my car ten minutes prior I can’t help but imagine these are some of the most beautiful moments in life. I love getting to know people and one-on-one interactions are my happy place so first dates (despite the hyperventilating) are really my arena to shine. Ask any of the guys I’ve gone on dates with and I’m sure they’ll tell you I was born to be a professional interrogator. Asking deeply personal questions to people I just met is a line I’m enthusiastically willing to cross. Without further ado I would like to share a few more of my (obviously) suave dating tips (see also my brilliantly sexy flirting tips).
1. Want to be my date for my birthday party? No, I don’t have anything planned I was sort of just hoping you could plan something for me.
2. Why did your last relationship end? And don’t say because she’s crazy because then I know that you’re a total a-hole.
3. What is your favorite thing about me? By the way if you don’t answer my freckles or my eyes you basically just lost because those are my favorite things about me.
4. Hypothetically: how opposed would you be if I were to share practically every detail of our relationship on the internet? Just out of curiosity of course.
5. Did you know you have the same aura as my ex-boyfriend? Don’t worry though, it’s the good part of his aura…not the part that was psycho-cheating-sociopath-liar.
6. What are your views on the “Blank Space” music video? I mean was Taylor really the one in the wrong there?!
7. Have/Would you, under any circumstances, break up with a girl by completely shunning her and refusing to answer her calls and texts for 3 weeks? Not that I’m emotionally scarred and now believe men are incapable of decent levels of communication…I just like to know what to expect you know?
8. How emotionally invested is your Mother in your dating life? Would she perhaps advertise looking for a date for you on her Facebook page while we are still dating?
9. Do you think my outfit is slutty? If we were dating would you have a psychotic meltdown if I wore this outfit out and proceed to ruin my night?
10. And most importantly would you classify yourself primarily as a Serena or a Blair? A Chuck or a Dan or a Nate? I just can’t date a boy who refuses to keep up with my Gossip Girl references.
Isn’t dating fun? As much as I (hands down) find it more meaningful to seriously date and commit to one person, I have to admit it can be quite an adventure to go on lots of dates with lots of boys. Not that I would ever suggest going on three dates on one day because sometimes that makes life get a little complicated no? I would especially never suggest having one date drop you off at the next date because you totally are going to have a panic attack after placing yourself in this awkward little scenario that of course I have never truly been in.
As for today…there certainly won’t be any boys or dating involved. I woke up with a sore throat and mucus running down my face (cute right?) so I will be sipping green tea in bed all day with only Gossip Girl to keep me company. I am determined to feel completely better by my birthday celebration on Friday, wish me luck!