I took a few days off from blogging the last week not because the holidays kept me occupied (god forbid I ever let real life get in the way of my opinion reaching the internet) but because I simply had nothing to say. I talked through and rehashed my heart breaking from every angle. I sat in Starbucks listening to sad music, writing and reflecting on who I was and what I had done wrong. I clung to any friend who would listen and examined my situation from every possible perspective. To say I was beating a dead horse would be a ridiculous understatement. But I needed to! I needed to vent, I needed to feel heard and I needed to be comforted and hugged and babied. Thank you to everyone who commented or emailed or texted and told me I would be okay even though I felt like my whole world had fallen apart.
I usually show up here to gush about my feelings (sometimes feelings about swoon worthy shoes and sometimes I’m a little more real) but I didn’t have any new ones. Day after day I felt the same bitter sadness. I woke up from the same horrible nightmare each morning and felt like I was punched in the stomach each time I realized it wasn’t a dream but was real life. Despite my title as reigning drama queen of the internet I couldn’t subject anyone to another 1500 words documenting the confusion and sadness that accompanied losing the boy I called Gatsby (you’re welcome). So I took a mental health break and although I can’t say I’m any less confused by the past three weeks of hectic holiday heart break chaos…I can say I’m better equipped to handle the world.
I love blogging because it allows me to travel back in time, or so it seems. I don’t often write about day-to-day life occurrences (any more) but rather my thoughts opinions and feelings. To look back and remember my exact joys and pains feels like a super power sometimes! I gain so much insight by reading and re-reading my feelings on certain issues and how they have evolved over time. I know not everyone is comfortable allowing themselves to be that open or vulnerable on the internet (and for good reason) but I highly recommend keeping a journal or diary to sort out feelings or internal conflict. I can’t preach enough about the actual practical life applications blogging has given me. Writing has allowed me to understand my emotions and thus given me clarity and direction in life.
Looking back I think the breaking point (or so it feels) began when a certain boy’s mother stumbled across my blog…I felt exposed and I wondered if I was making a poor judgment call by continuing to express my emotions so freely. I still can’t say for sure that baring my soul so openly is a solid decision. In fact I can think of more reasons why I should call off the “Jordyn’s feelings” parade then continue on. Yet working through life with writing is so fulfilling. It’s like I’m slowly laying out all the facts and over time I’m able to see the all the pieces of the puzzle and gain understanding if not of my world at least of myself. There are a hundred reasons why tattooing my heart on the internet is wrong but the clarity feels so right…I’m addicted!
Okay enough of my rambling let’s talk about something you actually care about which is Danie Styles the adorable online boutique run by Danielle the pretty pretty princess behind Miss Glam Dan. I love that blogging has brought so many lovely friends into my life and I am constantly blown away by the incredible accomplishments of my fellow bloggers. During my recent heart break break down Danielle was such a sweet and caring support system. She let me rant away about my boy problems even when it was the same pointless drama again and again. I can truly call her a friend (and a talented one at that). I’ve been lucky enough to wear a few pieces from Danie Styles and I am in love. If you follow me on instagram you’ve probably seen me wearing and re-wearing the most adorable Olivia Pope-esque jacket (it’s handled) and the perfect fairy princess dress in addition to the sweater featured here. For the rest of the day you can receive 45% off (yes…you read that correctly) with the code “CHRISTMASWEEKEND”. Sales….aaah they make me swoon!