It’s a pretty well known fact that I don’t have a lot of friends (have I stated that one often enough around here?). I’m a little biased but I tend to categorize the friends I do have, as extraordinarily high quality people. I like to think I am very kind, but in many ways I am highly judgmental. It takes a lot for me to consider someone a “great” person, or a “fascinating” person. I do not meet my own standards for great, or fascinating or wonderful, but I’m working on it. I consider the few friends I have obtained in life as exemplary specimens, each in their own individual ways. I like to be around people that I find inspirational. I’ve never had much of an interest in being the “prettiest” or “smartest” or “funniest” out of my friends, why would I want to seem superior when I could surround myself with people that radiate wonder? Instead I try to spend time with people I find highly motivating. I see how intelligent, or creative or dedicated one of my friends is and it makes me want to get out of bed, turn off Netflix and go do something to change the world (or at least myself).
When it comes to dating a weird phenomena occurs.If you spend a good portion of your life dating guys who lack ambition and motivation (or really any quality you deem highly important) you become used to a certain standard. I became used to guy who liked to call me a whore, eat chips in bed and grew irritated with me when I wanted to spend a Sunday afternoon with my girlfriends instead of with him, but that’s just an example. You can become used to someone quite lovely who simply lacks the same adventurous spirit you possess, or someone with a severe case of wanderlust but a deep overarching sadness that constantly brings you down a few notches. Nobody is perfect and I’m certainly not claiming they should be.
Yet when these beautiful, talented, ambitious girls are used to dating guys that lack the same “go getter”, “life of the party” attitudes these girls become emotional train wrecks when they find themselves in the company of a date who has their life together too.
It is so easy to prance around town flipping our hair and strutting in our highest heels when we are single. It is so easy to look in the mirror and say “I’m flawless” when we are uninterested. We don’t have trouble realizing we are awesome and worthy and valuable. Why do we become so insecure when we find somebody equally as awesome? Why do we tend to assume we don’t deserve to date someone who inspires us to be better?
I have a strange tendency to get too wrapped up in my own mind and overanalyze my dating life (and the rest of my life too). However over the past few months this dating theme has become so prevalent in the lives of all of my closest friends (and myself) that I know that for once it isn’t just my over caffeinated crazy self! Young, beautiful, successful women all over the place are finding boyfriends with goals and dreams and jobs and cars and apartments and friends (and personalities, woot, added bonus) and we are suddenly realizing these guys have all of the qualities on our check lists and rather than celebrating we are going insane. We can’t handle getting everything we wanted, everything we asked for. We can’t handle being happy, because somewhere sub consciously we’re afraid to let ourselves enjoy these moments because we are so afraid that it is all too good to last. Deep down we worry that we don’t deserve this joy. But, we do.
Sometimes we are handed everything we asked for and we turn these wishes into problems. We find the cute boy, with a brain and a sense of humor and then we look for all the reasons it won’t work. And… Maybe it won’t, but we’ll never really know if we keep letting trees seem like monsters, and dreams morph into nightmares.
Today I want to press pause on the analysis that are constantly working on over drive in my brain, and instead appreciate that the little things I was hoping and praying for just a month ago are smack dab in front of me right now.
Have you ever wished for something and then had no idea what to do when you actually had it?