I’ve never been one to keep secrets. I’ll keep yours no problem but when it comes to myself I’m pretty much an open book. Even when I don’t talk freely about a subject there are not really any matters I consider off topic should someone else bring them up. My attitude on secrets is largely a reflection of my view on friendship. I’ve never been one to embrace a luke warm friendship. If I don’t feel comfortable sharing everything with you, I probably won’t put any effort into a being friends. Consequently I have few friends, but the friends I do have know pretty much all there is to know about me. Despite my rejection of secrets the topic has always been of great interest to me. In fourth grade I was obsessed with discovering everyone’s “deepest darkest secrets“, which in fourth grade is usually just something like you still wet the bed or can’t sleep without a night light. Even though I’ve never really kept secrets I recognize that the majority of people aren’t so open about their lives, and thus have come to collect secrets like they are valuable little treasures. “Secrets keep us close” the words of a sociopath (Alison from Pretty Little Liars) have never rang so true! So I thought I would share the top 10 secrets I could brainstorm off the top of my head. Forgive me if they’re not all that fascinating.
1. I met the boy who is coming to visit me this upcoming week on Tinder, this isn’t so much a secret as it is an embarrassment. I have no trouble admitting I meet lovely friends such as yourself online but when it comes to a boy I’m kissing I am weirdly insecure about the fact that we didn’t meet intoxicated at a college bar or within the sticky walls of a frat house (which would have been a much more admirable way to meet of course).
2. I slept in the same bed as my Mom (and younger brother) until sixth grade. We each had our own rooms but I think my brother and I had weird separation anxiety issues after not living with my mom for two years. In hindsight I see that my Mom’s dating life was probably pretty hindered by our neediness.
3. I once threw up on a boy while in a very (VERY) intimate setting. This boy was actually one I met at a frat house, so there’s that gold star for my resume.
4. I got lice after staying at a scummy hotel the summer before ninth grade. It was the most mortifying experience of my life, I was SO embarrassed to tell my parents that I tried to treat it myself with mayonaise. I sat with an entire jar of mayonaise on my head for hours and I think it actually worked, but I still ended up telling my Mom who combed through my hair with a lice pick for hours that evening just to be sure. Oh the joys of Motherhood.
5. Up until age 7 I was a nudist. I was almost always naked and my parents seemed to have no issue with me running around the house with nothing on even when their friends were over. I think my comfort with nudity now stems from my childhood memories dancing around naked in my room after school to the Spice Girls.
6. My cousin and I used to pretend we were making out with boys in the back of limos on the way to prom, when in actuality we were just sitting in her room kissing pillows. We were 7 and 6. I guess I’ve always been boy crazy.
7. I always sit down in the shower…I guess this is weird?
8. I got a boob job (ahem “Breast augmentation”)the summer after graduating high school. I took very little time to think about it, yet I knew it was something I always wanted to do (like many teenage girls with AA cups I had an obsessive fascination with boobs, bras and my lack thereof). I don’t regret my decision and I think swim suit shopping is infinitely more fun now even though I’m still considered “small boobed” by the general population.
9. Sometimes when I was nannying I would pretend the children were my own and I would daydream about my made up husband, my career as a fashion writer and the dinner parties I would be hosting soon. I don’t think this is particularly strange, just something I chose not to share with their parents.
10. Speaking of which, I have giant woman crushes on both of the mothers I nannied for. They’re both just amazing women and I sort of idolize them.
There you have it, my very real, yet very boring secrets. Most of these topics aren’t exactly secrets (I don’t have those remember), just subjects I don’t often bring up as they come across as a little tacky (and perhaps crass). I’m the worst secret teller ever, please don’t un-invite me to your sleepover.
Are you a big secret keeper or are you an open book like me? Do you have any secrets you’re just dying to share?