In case you haven’t checked any form of social media in the past month…football is starting (I think). Even though my state’s team technically won the Superbowl and I went to a state university with a football team (translation: a bunch of goggling college students pretending to care about football but actually caring about tailgating) I’ve never really cared about football, or any professional sport for that matter. I know, sue me. I once pretended to care about football, and by pretending to care about football I mean I attended a Superbowl party wearing a green dress and navy infinity scarf in order to show my support of the Seahawks. Turns out the party wasn’t so bad, although I spent a combined total of three minutes (maybe) watching the game. So there’s that.
In case you’re wondering…here are 10 things I find more fascinating (and care about WAY more) than Football:
1. Whether or not my Aunt and Uncle’s dogs (who I am currently “babysitting”) drink tap water or filtered water. You may assume that since they’re dogs it doesn’t really matter but these specific dogs also wear crowns and aren’t allowed to eat the same food for every meal because “would you like to eat the same food every day?”.
2. What you ate for breakfast this morning. I had granola with almond milk and raspberries. Yum.
3. Kim Kardashian’s…anything. And I think we know how I feel about her.
4. Nude celebrity photos leaking onto the internet. WHAT DO YOU MEAN A 23 YEAR OLD GIRL HAD NUDE PICTURES OF HERSELF ON HER PHONE?! The scandal!!! But seriously, doesn’t this sort of security breach happen like every other day? Not to say I don’t feel bad for the victims but let’s just get over the immorality of these naked pictures and just accept that everyone has a naked body.
5. Burger King buying out Tim Hortons. I’ve never been to Tim Horton’s, I refuse to ever betray my beloved Starbucks, yet somehow this Canadian tragedy fascinates me more than the 12th man.
6. Anything having to do with lobster, scallops or shrimp (and thank God because I’ve been learning A LOT about those lately).
7. How much you sold your stocks for last week. I don’t know how to buy stocks, how to sell them, or really what they do, but if listening to you talking about them means a break from hearing about football than I find I can become immensely interested in finance.
8. The correct way to eat a Reese’s. I know there’s no wrong way to eat a Reese’s but can we just determine the best way once and for all.
9. Listening to a play by play of my sociopath ex boyfriend’s day. Jay Kay dog, I’d rather hear about football. But…a play by play of anyone else’s day, I’m all ears!
10. Ideas for the 7 Deadly Sins Party my cousin and I are having this Saturday!!! We are decorating and wearing costumes and it is going to be fun and adorable! If you have any ideas I really really really want to hear them!
As you can see I have recently converted to the world of barbaric men tackling one another brutally in the name of entertainment. Who knows what sort of fanatic football fan I’ll be come Superbowl time (what month is that in again??), you might catch me doing crazy things I swore I’d never do like wearing jerseys and foam fingers and posting #BeastMode on Twitter. I kid. I’ll be busy hoarding myself away in a country that doesn’t really do the whole “football” thing and using football Sundays to take advantage of less crowded shopping malls. However, if you like football…more power to you!