As per usual I’ve been thinking a lot about love (#StereotypicalGirl). Friday evening I saw “The F-Word”, it was super adorable. I have a love-hate relationship with romantic comedies. I love them because they’re sappy and cute and make me believe in love again. I hate them because…well, because they’re sappy and cute and make me believe in love again. As you can see, it is a personal problem. Between the Rom-Com and my excessive ice cream consumption, Friday night my cousin and I started brainstorming ideas about love, or in particular guys. It wasn’t necessarily deep theories on the meaning of love and loss, but more like the sort of conversation that arises when two cynics come together and begin sharing relationship stories. I call it “Pathetic but Cute”, which is also the name we hope to call our collaborative book on dating. Look for that one if you are looking for a nice read to slit your wrists and cry over but aren’t quite sad enough to sob with Sylvia Plath. There are a lot of analogies you can use when describing guys, the ones we date especially. Genevieve helped me pick some of the best and most accurate analogies beginning with…
+Guys are like freezers. They have three temperatures: cold, cold and colder. No matter what you want they’re always set at the wrong temperature for whatever it is you’re hoping to consume. Your ice cream is either melted or freezer burnt or at best that frozen state that won’t thaw for a good ten minutes.
+Guys are like cats. They’re cuddly and cute but they never give you attention when you want it. When you crave their affection they’re like “nooo eff you” yet, it seems, whenever you’re busy or working or have moved on they’re all up in your business.
+Guys are like ice cream. You spend so much time trying to avoid them but then they win you over, you eat the whole container. Mr.Boyfriend is nowhere to be seen and you’re alone feeling sad and fat.
+Guys are like Snapchat, you’ve only got about 10 seconds of their attention before you can never get it again. Plus, it’s really hard to tell if you’re actually special to them or You can never they’re sending that selfie out to ten other “friends”. Unless you’re a stalker and are constantly keeping track of their snapchat besties…which Genevieve and I obviously don’t have time for.
+Guys are like Mexican food. You really really like it and you go into El Caparol (or whatever you call it) stoked to devour a cheese enchilada but you always know there is a solid chance you are going to get really ill, or he’ll be too spicy or someone will double dip in your salsa. No thanks.
+Guys are like emojicons. They’re playful and fun and make
life texting a little bit better but sometimes you’re just like “uhh I have no idea what that laughing cat is supposed to mean”.
+Guys are like avocados. It’s all about timing. It’s practically impossible to find the perfect one, and when you do you’ve only got about a day of perfection. If you don’t slice that sucker up for guac there and then you’re screwed.
+Guys are like lemmings because you sometimes you just really want them to jump off of a cliff.
+Finally guys are like my Aunt & Uncle’s ridgeback Flash. He cries for no reason, he attempts inappropriate gestures on the back of his sister, he tries to steal your cheese and he smells bad. At the end of the day despite his dopiness and willingness devour poop, he is still adorable and that is what you hate about him. You hate that you love him.
I’ve come to terms with that face that for me, maybe true love is just about clothes. Before the movie on Friday night my cousin and I went to Gap Factory so I could stock up on some inexpensive work basics and I went sort of insane. Both dresses featured are from Gap Factory and were totally under $50. It didn’t hurt that I had a Gap gift card care of the rude service I received from Delta Airlines (it’s all forgiven now though, no worries).
Happy Tuesday! Back to the working grind (I think that’s what working people say)!
P.S. I’m not actually a crazy man hater, just once again playing the overanalyzing texting game…which I think we can all agree is enough to swear us all off men for life (or at least a couple of frustrated hours).