Hello. My name is Jordyn, and I’m an introvert.
I think the blogging community is filled with introverts due to internal nature needed to sustain blogs and the fact that so many introverts are drawn to writing as their chosen form of communication. However it can be a little difficult to pin point an introvert when it comes to blogging can’t it? We all seem so extroverted sharing intimate details of our lives so giddily and freely! Am I this talkative all the time or is it simply on this platform…it can be difficult to tell! Although I’m currently holed up alone in my fraternity while those around me are partying as a reader you would never know. Except I told you. I’m currently forgoing partying with my friends to write. I don’t have a deadline, I don’t have a paper due. I simply prefer the company of my thoughts, Spotify and the occasional text message from Nicole and I’m not embarrassed by that anymore.
I never really understood what it meant to be an introvert. Like most people (I would imagine) I didn’t know how to define myself with such rigid standards. Growing up I loved sleepovers and cheerleading and then in college my sorority. However despite my packed social calendar I always felt like somewhat of an outsider. I thought being an introvert meant being a weirdo who didn’t enjoy social interaction and as someone who found myself lonely and craving more friend time I couldn’t quite define myself as an introvert. I spent a lot of time overanalyzing why I didn’t enjoy large groups and wondering how I could connect with people one on one but never at cheerleading practice or club meetings. The world seemed to tell me the way to make friends was by joining clubs or sports or heading to parties but that method didn’t seem to work for me.
Sometimes I found myself so uncomfortable in large group settings I let my discomfort hinder and isolate me. I would end up crying alone on bus rides home from school functions, retreating to my room early on group trips or…breaking down at pool parties. For the longest time I couldn’t come to terms with what it all meant. How did I feel so comfortable one on one (with anyone) and confident making connections and having intimate conversations yet so incapable in large groups. Each time I left cheer practice, or a house party or a sorority sisterhood I found myself utterly exhausted and drained. I craved nothing more than to curl up in bed with a glass of champagne and a magazine. Group activities could be fun however I found myself engaging in them to feel validated as a social person more often than engaging in them for genuine pleasure. If given the choice I would always choose hanging out with a friend individually and often felt uncomfortable or (secretly) irritated when plans I had expected to be one on one became group activities.
When I tell people now that I am an introvert I get a lot of funny reactions. People tell me that I seem really “social” and “friendly” and”outgoing”. People try and comfort me by encouraging me to put myself out there and become more comfortable in social settings. I know these advisors (many of whom are my friends) mean well but I want to tell them I’m not broken.
Being an introvert doesn’t mean I’m not capable of handling large gatherings or club meetings or get togethers. It doesn’t mean I can’t put on my bubbly cheerleader personality and socialize. It doesn’t even always mean that I don’t like it (although it sometimes does). Being an introvert doesn’t mean that I’m broken or shy or insecure or uncomfortable with myself. My mind just works differently.
When I attend a party I gravitate towards the people I already know. I come on as intense or “too strong” at times because random small talk feels impersonal and bores me. I may seem stand offish because I would rather text my best friend than ask someone I don’t know “how their summer classes are going”. We both know I don’t care how this stranger’s education is going and I’d rather talk about something real or not talk at all. I take all of my feelings seriously, I get really really wrapped up inside my head and consequently I can’t understand why anyone would actually enjoy such superficial party banter.
As what I like to call an “outgoing introvert” I find myself craving social interactions everyday yet also aware that I need time in my head every day. I don’t dislike people, I am passionately loyal to my friends and consider my love fairly unconditional. However I need my own time to process my thoughts and evaluate my feelings. The emotional effort large group socialization takes isn’t worth it on a daily basis for me but is something I find fulfilling every so often. You can be the girl who dances on tables and sings karaoke while still being an introvert. Being an introvert doesn’t mean you are anti-social, and it doesn’t mean you aren’t fun.
I’m done apologizing for being an introvert. I’m not broken, and I’m not shy, there’s nothing wrong with me for preferring a different style of socializing or for needing solo time to just “be in my head”.
While laying in the grass enjoying some of that much needed “me” time I read a quote that really resonated with me, “There’s zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best idea” and it was like years of guilt melted away. I have great ideas (and some not so great)! I have things to say! I am an interesting person! I like my inner life! I am just simply not an extroverted person, and I’m pretty okay with that now.
P.S. These 23 signs you’re an introvert are pretty spot on!