Would you rather be madly in love or be adamantly adored? And is it possible to have both? Doesn’t it always seem that you must choose between being with someone you are obsessively in love with (who is sort of blasé about you) and being with someone who is head over heels in love with you (who you may not feel as passionately about)? What is it that makes us fall madly into that obsessive “love at first sight feeling” (see also that time I fell in love with a guy named Thomas) we can’t simply blame it all on biology can we? If it were pheromones alone wouldn’t both parties feel equally as over the top obsessive? No, I think the answer lies in something deeper, a love formula perhaps. Unfortunately it’s a tough code to crack and despite all of the Sex and the City I indulge in I can’t seem to formulate an answer, although I can admit some sort of straight forward scientific formula would be nice.
My Aunt and I were discussing relationships over dinner. We touched on weird sex fetishes, texting habits and that awkward moment when you realize you’re dating a gay guy…all if which we’re fascinating conversational pieces, however I found myself most absorbed in her words of relationship wisdom when she offered me a seemingly simple choice. In fact it was the very same choice I presented you with the very first line of this post, a choice I’ve been debating ever since.
The answer seems quite logical…both! I want both! I want to be adored like the princess goddess Victoria’s Secret angel queen that I am and I want to be infatuated with the man (or woman) of my dreams. The classic case of having our cake ( and eating it too). Yet, when I glance back at my dating resume (because that’s what I’m choosing to call it nowadays) I can’t help but notice the glaring trend right before my eyes. Every guy I dated (whether seriously or a casual date here and there) he either felt disproportionately into me…or I thrusted myself at him only to realize he wasn’t all that fascinated by my obviously very fascinating inherent charm. So what’s the deal?
I more closely examined the relationships I viewed as the happiest…the healthiest and recognized the power dynamic within each situation. In one particular relationship I noticed I had started off obsessed with the guy (like literally obsessed to the point of stalking…like literally there was a wall of photos of this guy pinned up in my high school bedroom and he didn’t know about them #CREEPY), but over time my obsession faded and the roles reversed…in fact our levels of obsession seemed directly correlated. The less I seemed to obsess over this boyfriend the more he seemed to obsess over me (and vice versa) a delicate balance of obsession, a balance of power.
Is a consistent power struggle, the case of each person falling in and out of intense all consuming love with one another the key to happy healthy relationship? Or do you see another solution? Surely it can’t be sustainable for two people to simultaneously giggle happily at the other’s mere existence for all of eternity (or even all of the relationship)? Tell me your thoughts because I am CLEARLY not an expert when it comes to relationships.
Dont mind all the relationship posts lately…as a single girl I just feel compelled to channel my inner Carrie Bradshaw in order to make my next relationship suck a little less than my last one.