Is it just me or is dating just so much more fun when you aren’t “looking for someone“. I’ve mentioned this previously (sorry to beat a dead horse here guys) but for the first time in my life I am single and although I’ve been enjoying dating I am not actively seeking a boyfriend. When you don’t go on each date hoping and praying to earn the affection of who you hope will be your future boyfriend you find something much more pleasant…the freedom to be who you are. Furthermore, without the pressure of coercing your date into committing to you you sort of just care less. Suddenly the focus is on you and on what makes you feel happy, feel special, feel not so “generic” and maybe this is just my perception but I’ve found that caring less has somehow made me, dare I say it, more desirable. Is it too bold to suggest that once you become capable of ignoring your many suitors and leaving them “wanting more” you sort of rule the world. Step one master the art of playing hard to get, step two world domination. I hope I’m not getting ahead of myself here.
I’m mostly kidding of course and would by no means say I’m an expert in controlling and manipulating everyone around me (luckily I haven’t reached sociopath status yet), yet I do advise not to underestimate the power and allure of becoming a woman who isn’t desperate for anyone or anything. It is so much more fun to be wooed and courted than it is to neurotically overanalyze two word text messages and spend evenings scheming ways to force your crush into liking you. Trust me, I learned this lesson the hard way by chasing guys who literally forgot I even existed until I was bashing them in the head with something (it’s up to you to decide whether to take this literally or metaphorically).
I’ve talked a lot about major DON’T(s) but I’ve sort of neglected the ways I can be wooed (shhh…don’t tell). Spill…what makes you swoon? You know…gives you butterflies, causes you to listen to Taylor Swift love songs on repeat (the happy ones for once), to doodle hearts in pink pen all over your notebooks…am I the only one who becomes a 12 year old girl when I have a crush?!
In terms of winning over my heart these “guys” are probably off to a good start:
A guy who knows his Taylor Swift lyrics, and is willing to sing along with me…pretty much the sound of me throwing my clothes across the room (sorry Grandma…I’m kidding…of course).
A guy who is actually ambitious enough to plan dates/surprises instead of constantly “hanging out” and “watching movies” in his room (we all know what that is code for bro).
A guy who takes the care and precision to remember minute details of my life like my dog’s name, my best friend’s major, and the day/time of my upcoming job interview.
A guy who describes my personality using words like “whimsical”. Is it just me or does that just not make you feel like a magical fairy who resides in a treehouse castle and adorns her hair with flower crowns on the daily?
A guy who understands the value of eskimo kisses and butterfly kisses sometimes over regular kisses.
A guy who develops an interest in your passions, and continues to ask leading questions about the topics that fuel your ambition. “Why yes I do have a blog, and no I will not let you see it but please continue to ask me about what inspires me to write on a daily basis, thanks”.
A guy that has hobbies, interests and drive of his own. Maybe he likes to play the guitar, maybe he likes building phone apps, maybe he likes training for marathons…someone who has a vested interest in bettering himself…a major do.
A guy who compliments your mind first, because by 22 we already know we have nice legs or pretty eyes or whatever.
A guy who doesn’t feel competitive with your male friends or for that sake your female friends or that being said your dog or blog or any other important part of your life.
A guy who loves dogs (because if you don’t like animals, we probably should just stop talking right now).
A guy who doesn’t check his phone once on our date.
A guy who doesn’t talk about other girls/dates in front of you. I’m not saying he should be committing to me on our first date (umm far from it actually) but it’s just weird to rehash the details of last night’s tryst.
A guy who can properly dress himself. I’m not even talking about a particular style here, just knowing his body and developing his own personal style that doesn’t only include ratty sneakers he’s owned since sophomore year of high school.
A guy who isn’t afraid to show his nerdy side. All this talk of fast scanned cyclic voltammerty and lexemes makes me feel a little bit giddy. Am I alone on this one? Oh weird…
A guy who doesn’t feel the need to one up you. Has anyone else been on a date with a guy who is constantly bragging about how much money they make/how successful they are. Does anyone else think it’s weird to be telling a nanny living in a frat house about your six figure salary? Braggers don’t get second dates, sorry ’bout it.
A guy who wants to help you experience new things and show you the adventures and activities that make him happy. Aladdin had it right with the “A Whole New World” thing.
A guy who texts/calls following a date to let me know what a lovely time he had. I mean it’s obvious since I’m such a pleasure to be around but you know, still nice to hear once in awhile.
A guy who gives you handwritten notes, something about sweet notes with that sloppy boy handwriting brings me back to passing notes with boys in 7th grade. Just kidding, I never passed notes with boys but I can imagine it would have been dreadfully romantic for my gawky 13 year old self.
A guy who calls me “Fairy Princess” because I’m really just a sucker for that one.
How can you be wooed? Don’t worry your secret is safe with me!