Friendship comes with a lot of unspoken vows, it’s a lot like the rules of feminism except instead of applying to all women everywhere they differ in each relationship. I write a lot about my best friend, Nicole. If you can’t tell I’m sort of obsessed with her, as she is one of the only people in the entire world that doesn’t drive me insane (like ever). Over the weekend Nicole visited my family in Calistoga with me for the 4th of July. We had the best time soaking up the California sunshine and over indulging in all of the wine (when in Rome right?!) If there is one thing dating has taught me, it is the value of the friends who don’t have any ulterior motives, there is no one in the world I would have rather vacationed with this weekend. We often make vows to significant others but I think there are points when we need to make some vows to our besties too.
I vow to always play magical realm with you, even if we’re old and gray and people no longer think it is endearing when we prance around pretending to be fairies.
I vow to share my beverages with you even when you’re sick, and give you Eskimo kisses forever.
I vow to always do body shots with you, even if it seems inappropriate for the situation #ToToInapropro.
I vow to never again date someone who you think is a total skeeze to begin with, because we always need to vote before adding a new boy toy to our little group.
I vow to listen to every detail of your life and promise there is no such thing as “TMI” between us. If you want to tell me about a boy, your family, your bowel movements, I’m all ears.
I vow to always see you as inspirational and never to be competitive with you no matter how beautiful and intelligent and likeable you are because I want you to do great things, and date hot guys and have the best of the best!
I vow to always tell you when you start dating a raging psychopath (and will welcome the same from you).
I vow tell you all my secrets first and I pinky swear not to tell yours to anyone.
I vow to match with you whenever possible because life is better as twins.
I vow to talk about you more on dates than I talk about myself and to weird guys out by referring to myself as “we” because I’m obviously referring to you.
I vow to always let you drive any/all jet skis and/or on road trips. I don’t vow not to cringe or not to have a panic attack when you tailgate or weave in and out of traffic but I vow to always trust that you know what you’re doing.
I vow to hold your hair back if you vom and to do my best not to scream obnoxiously about loving “you-know-who” in the streets when we go out (but we all know I can’t help myself).
I vow to try and be friendly around new people even though I usually hate them at first because usually you’re right and they are actually really nice.
I vow to always coordinate our underwear when possible and to always honestly critique your lap dance choreography (if you were to ever create such a dance).
I vow to always tell you if you have food in your teeth or underwear lines or if you’re coming off as a little too clingy.
I vow to never have another dragon sister or lust after anyone else’s freckles the way I did yours.
I vow to try my very hardest not to have panic attacks and nervous break downs in social situations because I know it isn’t very fun for us. On that same note I promise my hardest not to be a Bridezilla one day (even though I’m such a psychopath I’ll want to be ) because as my maid of honor I know that will be tricky for you to deal with.
I vow to always sing in public with you, even though you have the voice of a Disney Princess and I have a the voice of dying goat, I still think we should probably start and acapella group or band.
I vow to always compost correctly (even when you aren’t around to remind me).
I vow send threatening texts/Facebook messages to any mean girl who tries to betray you. And I vow to appreciate the times you interrogate my nemesis at the bar to defend me.
I vow to watch scary movies sometimes because you like them and do creepy weirdo stuff like go to abandoned buildings and cemeteries because I love you, and a love like ours is sometimes worth peeing my pants for (sometimes).
And even though this probably doesn’t need to be put into writing I vow to never stop behaving in a way that causes those around us to question if we are lesbians.
What sort of vows would you make to your best friend(s)? Isn’t Nicole the most absoloutely perfect gorgeous redhead you’ve ever laid eyes upon (PRINCESS ARIEL IN THE FLESH)?!