One of my favorite parts about blogging is the freedom to just show up and let all of my thoughts fall out my head and onto the internet. Of course I love the validation of others relating to my thoughts and experiences but even if no one read a single word I ever wrote there is something so comforting about putting my thoughts into words. It’s as if the minute I can organize the jumbled mess that is my brain I have the freedom to just…let go? It’s the way I can document my life, but more importantly it’s the way I can articulate the very thoughts and feelings that make me, me. I love the rush I get from pouring out my most sacred thoughts and forming them into words. I love the risk factor of letting words out into the world that make me vulnerable, for me it’s what makes writing so enthralling.
There is something so uncomfortable about the thoughts and feelings I can’t seem to put into words. There’s some sort of urgency inside of me, begging me to express these emotions but as much as I turn the words/feelings over in my mind I can’t seem to find the right words to accurately depict how I feel. As someone who comprehends the world through words and finds such beauty in language it is oh so frustrating to find myself “tongue tied”. In the same sense my heart is “tongue tied” for lack of a better expression. I usually wear my heart on my sleeve so carelessly but in light of recent events I’ve become jaded. I usually prance around singing love songs if not aloud than in my heart. But like my head, my heart is confused.
My heart isn’t speaking to me in love songs anymore, but in broken words, it stutters. I don’t see where I’m going clearly, and no matter how much coffee I drink I can’t seem to find the clarity I once seemed to grasp. Everything feels like such a crazy messy happy whirlwind? My heart is confused, but I think that is where it wants to be.
Am I the only one who can’t seem to pinpoint how they feel at any given moment? Do you use writing (or something different) to “free” your mind?