Isn’t it ironic that just hours after I blogged about the horrible things guys have said (to me and/or my friends) I experience one of the most awkward situations of my entire life. Let’s have story time for a minute here. Once upon a time I am frolicking around the college bar scene with my friends (and of course by “friends” I mean Nicole because in case you haven’t figured it out by now I have roughly 2 friends) when the vodka cranberry I’d just downed really starts to hit me. In actuality I was really just wanting to flirt with some stranger with glasses and pretend in my head that he was Peter Parker but none of the frat boys around me were fitting the bill. So I texted this guy I’d been talking to earlier in the day. We were just friends but I’d been getting a flirty vibe considering he kept talking about our flourishing blossoming love and asking if he could take me out to dinner and what not. As it turned out he was also out with his friends in the same area and they were headed to the same exact bar that I was at, it was all so crazy (except actually not because the college bar scene is small and everyone goes to the exact same places).
After a few drunken texts were exchanged he brought up our mutual Facebook friend Emilee…just like this:
Dan*: How do you know Emilee? She was out with our group but we lost her haha.
Me: Hahahahahahfjsksdskehfeljsvd (this is the vodka cranberry coming in) it’s a long story.
Dan: Haha see you soon
Fast forward approximately…7 seconds and I see Emilee. You know that long story of how I know the lovely Ms.Emilee that I was laughing drunkenly to myself about, well here it is. Remember Peeta Mellark (not from the Hunger Games, the guy I was obsessed with for way too long), well back in the day when I was planning our future wedding and children’s names and he was sometimes texting me back but mainly just avoiding me at all costs, Emilee was going on Frat dates with this dude. Basically Emilee and I got to know each other a little bit because she was sort of dating a guy I was obsessed with so I adopted the mature passive aggressive motto “keep your friends close and your enemies closer”. Emilee and I have always had a strange friendship.
When I saw Emilee in the flesh just feet away from me what could I do but run over to her? Naturally we started taking SnapChat selfies together and hugging and other activities that girls who sort of fought over a guy two years prior do when they run into each other. After we got all of the “OMG we are BEST FRIENDS” out of our system I asked about Dan. Luckily Dan happened to stumble into the bar at that moment and Emilee was thrilled to pull me over and bridge the gap introducing us. Except…when Dan saw the two of us together hugging and jumping up and down he appeared mildly horrified. Oh and my best friend Emilee seemed slightly irritated too.
I’d like to say that this was the point that it all clicked and I was able to see the situation for what it was. Instead it took seeing them making out at the bar thirty minutes later before I realized I’d been played by both of those fools like a child in a divorce. Why had Emilee not told me she was TOGETHER with the guy I had been text flirting with? Why had “Dan” continued to flirt with me when he was clearly out with Emilee? Why are ALL GUYS THE WORST?!
Here’s the real problem though…the common denominator here isn’t all of these sucky guys, the common denominator here isn’t Emilee (although she and I apparently attract the same men all the time), the common denominator is me. After letting that soak in and replaying all of the crazy psychotic things guys have said to me I decided it’s time to slap some sense into myself. So that’s where I’m at in life right now, emotionally slapping myself repeatedly.
*Actual name has been changed more for me than for him.