I’ll be the first to admit I am not a perfectionist. It’s not that I don’t hold myself to a high set of standards (I do) but I’ve never been one to find myself bogged down by the itty bitty details of every project placed in front of me (hence why you’ll find spelling and grammar errors scattered throughout every post). However, lately I’ve found myself consumed with the pressure to be perfect, not in each individual task but in the bigger picture. I look at some of the women I aspire to emulate, they are business owners, non profit workers, mothers, volunteers, wives, all star cupcake bakers, philanthropists, adventurists, and on top of all that they look pretty put together too. I see these incredible power women and tell myself “You have the same 24 hours in a day as them Jordyn, get your act together” but, in my eyes, I’m consistently falling up short.
I tell myself I will go to all of my classes, blog 5 times a week, be present and attentive as I am nannying, be a good dog mom for Boo, commit myself fully as editor of Her Campus, find time to run, oh and make lots of friends and be fun because I want to be that person who is energized, who can light up the room! I set these standards for my life, and yet…I continue to fail (miserably). My “To Do” lists are constantly left unfinished, I never meet my blogging goals for the week (or month), I find myself feeling guilty that I am not a better friend and texting while I’m babysitting as opposed to fully loving my sweet sugar plum princesses the way they deserve to be loved. I am lighting the candle from both ends…or whatever they call it!
Sometimes all of the pressure to be perfect makes me want to collapse, to crumble. I can’t always appreciate my accomplishments because according to my checklists, my goals, my one year plan…I am failing. I look in the mirror and I don’t see the power woman I hope to become, I see a fragile little girl on the verge of a nervous breakdown every single minute. I’m starting to realize success isn’t so black and white. At 22 years old I don’t have to have it all figured out, and while my fear of mediocrity can be positive, I’m trying to be a little bit easier on myself, to see all the items crossed off of my lists not just the unchecked boxes next to my “To Do””s.
Do you ever become overwhelmed with the pressure to be perfect? How do you step back and appreciate your accomplishments?
P.S. I just discovered Jack Wills last weekend in DC and I am BEYOND obsessed. How did I go this long without knowing about the store? Why isn’t there one in Seattle? Why do I want every single item right now?!