There are a lot of jerks out there, but we all know the guy who doesn’t call you, refuses to commit or flat out tells you he has a thing for your best friend isn’t the one. Duh. The real brutal lesson is learning that 99.9% of the nice guys out there aren’t the one either (and that’s coming from someone who doesn’t believe in destiny and soul mates). There are plenty of fabulous guys out there who won’t stand you up on dates, will stare longingly into your eyes and compliment your new haircut, unfortunately, these qualities don’t necessarily make him boyfriend material. Here are a few signs your charming date isn’t the prince charming you’re yearning for.
1. At every meal he’s constantly reminding you how many calories are in your veggie burger and why he is choosing to forgo a bun. No one needs that sort of “Debbie Downer” in their life.
2. Just when you think he’s going in for your first kiss it’s actually a bite. Even if you’re a Twilight fan, the whole “love at first bite” scenario doesn’t feel quite right.
3. You can’t hangout with him without a two hour hair and makeup routine. How long is that sort of maintenance sustainable…really?!
4. On your first and second and fifth date he can’t stop reminding you of how “out of his league” you are. It was complimentary at first, now you’re just starting to think he has a serious self esteem issue.
5. When you don’t respond to his text messages he starts sending you the names of random desserts (ie. “Key lime pie”, “Hot chocolate”, “cookie dough”) or pictures of his pet salamanders. Not that this has ever happened to me, ever.
6. Or becomes creepily concerned with what you are doing and why it doesn’t involve texting him back promptly.
7. He regularly compares you to his mother.
8. Your dates don’t involve much talking and thus you have no idea what religion he practices, where he grew up or what his current job is. Eek!
9. When you meet at a bar he immediately invites you on a weekend long camping trip.
10. Only to attend said camping trip and realize he has been lying to you about his name, age and occupation. You should probably start praying you aren’t chopped up into teeny tiny pieces in the near future.
11. For some strange reason all of thirteen of his exes were complete “psychos”. It’s not them, it’s him.
12. He has a strange obsession with “Silence of the Lambs”, “Hannibal” and “Psycho”. Normal people just don’t rewatch these movies…they just don’t.
13. You have to create a World of Warcraft account to keep in touch with him when you’re out of town or on vacation (unless World of Warcraft is already your preferred method of communication).
14. He decided to “prefunk” your guys’ afternoon smoothie date.
15. You have a strange feeling that his public displays of affection are less out passion and more to send the message that you’re “taken” to every other guy within a two mile radius.
Do you agree with my dating disaster diagnostics? What would you add to the list? Have you ever dated a perfectly nice guy but still recognized he’s not the one?