During my twenty-one years on planet earth, I’ve learned quite a few lessons, many of which took a lot longer to drill into my brain than they really should have but regardless, my brain is full of highly useful information now. And yes, I include the memorization of every Taylor Swift song as highly useful information, it comes in handy when I’m feeling thoughtful & profound around these parts, which has been happening more often lately. But, for real, if there is one lesson I want to share with all you pretty princesses out there, it is this, never trust anyone who was cute in middle school. Which of course means, you should have no problem passing along your credit card info & social security number to me.
As you can imagine, I was just about the biggest freak of a thirteen year old you could come across, and I don’t use the term “biggest freak of a thirteen year old” lightly. I sort of hate it when I’m talking to a friend about how hilariously awkward those early teen years were and she’ll whole heartedly agree and continue to gush about what a freak she was because she secretly stuffed her bra or something equally stupid. Um, this is middle school we’re talking about here, most gawky & awkward time of your life and the worst you can come up with is stuffing your bra…please, amateurs.
Oh hey, do you see me there…glasses, sweatshirt tied around my waist, sideways visor and all. That’s me, and if you had known me then you’d be amazed I managed to learn how to dress myself let alone speak to a member of the opposite sex. Hahaha, we’re laughing because I still haven’t truly learned to do either of those things. I don’t know why I put these things on the internet, but hey, I’m about to add more because low and behold today I stumbled upon the treasure of all treasures. Yes my loves, I unlocked my photobucket from middle school & junior high (and yes, my school district had middle school & junior high & high school).
I have all the classic glamour shots people. Shot in front of my chic magazine collage wall, shot of me pretending to brush my teeth (hey gotta promote good oral hygiene), shot of me holding a knife up to my friend (I mean if you don’t have a picture like this to prove your love, you’re not really that close, just ask Rihanna), a shot of me with the word “lemon” written on my hand, I was a real trend setter you guys, you should have seen all the wannabes writing the names of produce on their skin after that pic.
Don’t worry though, there’s more.
Aw yes, the classic “let’s hold our feet up to the camera” move. And of course, in honor of the Victoria’s secret fashion show, we can’t forget the sexy picture of me kissing a “Pink” dog. Just how I kept the boys away is beyond me, they were practically pounding on the front door.
This throw back Thursday reminiscing has ultimately lead me to one big and overarching question…just how on earth did I select which photos were high quality enough to make the cut? And if these photos with such brilliant captions such as “I used to hate this photo and now I love it” & “I embarrass my family” &”My hair sort of looks like a rats nest” you have to wonder about the gems that somehow didn’t make it onto the internet.
What’s the point of this blog post you may ask? Well…other than serving to further preserve my awkwardness on the internet for years to come, there are several lessons you can learn:
1. Once a “Selfie enthusiast” always a “Selfie Enthusiast”, for further reference, see my instagram account.
2. Just because you have access to hair dye doesn’t mean you have to use it.
3. It’s probably always a good idea to keep your photobucket account private. It’s also probably also a good idea to not give your narcissistic teenage daughter a camera.
4. On that same note, if you have rainbow colored braces…YOU ARE NOT SEXY. Sorry, just really wanted to reiterate that one.
5. Nothing adds a touch of class to a photo like a set of My Little Ponies. I can’t even tell you how many photos were on that account with me and random plastic horses. If there aren’t any My Little Ponies readily available, feel free to use stuffed monkeys, dogs from Pink, knives, flowers from your front yard or plastic chinchillas (not pictured).
This post might be a little overboard with the pictures but I just couldn’t stop, there are still way too many model shots that didn’t get posted, imagine if I had eliminated further, I don’t like to think about it.
In the end, looking at these ridiculous, nerdy and sometimes straight up hilarious photos of me kind of made my day, because I really was the “Biggest Freak of a thirteen/fourteen/fifteen year old” but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love the memories I have from this silly, confusing, awkward time in my life, and I love the person I have become because of that shy gawky nerdy girl.
PLEASE SHARE ANY AND ALL AWKWARD MIDDLE SCHOOL PHOTOS AND/OR STORIES! I’m a sucker for that stuff.
Oh & P.S. If you were a little less on the oddball side than me when you were in Middle School, don’t worry, I still like you. There’s just no way I’m placing any value in your pinky swears. I just can’t.