Today I have a seriously SERIOUS confession to make. It might make me sound like a bad person, and it might make my boss want to kick me to the curb. The thing is…sometimes I seriously despise children. Sometimes they make me want to yank my hair out and stomp and scream and possibly throw a full blown temper tantrum in the middle of the produce isle at the grocery store because they are just THAT ridiculous. I know I’m a nanny so that automatically means I should just preach about the pure loving and innocent essence of children and believe that kids puke rainbows or else that makes me like Cruella Devil or an evil Stepmother or something and the truth is most of the time I do like them. I always love them but from time to time they are just so hard to like. And this morning was one of those times. This morning among my coughs and sniffles and awful headache I couldn’t deal.
You see, every morning I try to show up to work full of rainbows and smiles and unicorn magic. Most mornings it’s a stretch but coffee pulls me through and I think I pull off the “Yay it’s the start of a wonderful new day act” pretty well…I mean, for the most part.
I put on my sparkly eye shadow…for the kids you know, and pretty little dresses and hey, there are times I even brush my hair for those suckers because despite the fact that I could show up in yogas or nike shorts everyday I try and class it up for those little sugar plum princesses…most of the time. The past few days I’ve been really sick guys, no not like terminally ill, BUT I’ve had a really bad cold. I’ve been sore and freezing and all around miserable but I made it to work because I knew my little babies were counting on me to make them waffles and braid their hair for school. I have a divine sense of purpose in this universe. The point is, I wasn’t feeling good and I sure as heck was not looking like a fairytale princess, I was looking like a
hot mess. Do you think those angels gave me any sympathy in the looks department…no. It was like kicking a dead horse unicorn. Who kicks a unicorn people?! WHO???
The past few days things have taken a turn for the worse, I’m talking real life Lord of the Flies business. If you haven’t read Lord of the Flies or don’t remember it I suggest studying the book thoroughly before having children. Forget “What to Expect when you’re expecting”, this book is the parenting bible.
And then there are the times when they tell me they hate me and I just want to break down in tears because I try SO SO hard to make them like me. And other times when they completely ignore me when I speak to them…they might as well be giving me the finger…for real.
It’s days like today I just have to come home and rant to Jeff for about an hour. Why are kids such brats?! Why do they hate me so much??? Why must they attempt to scuff up my new boots and tell me my eyeshadow makes me look like I have a black eye (but on that same note, thanks for the tip ladies, I won’t be wearing this color combo again)???
But then I remember, that even though children will be evil somedays, they aren’t evil all days. Even though they don’t say “thank you” for making their lunches and they have no respect for my new shoes, by Monday they will be excitedly telling me how play practice went and anxious to share pictures of their soccer game. Sure they’re sassy, but I can’t help but think the sass is some sort of karma for my own sassy pants days (as if they’re over).
It’s friday and I needed a little rant action over here. On the plus side…MY TORY BURCH BOOTS ARRIVED YESTERDAY, IT’S FRIDAY and and and I woke up this morning actually able to breathe out of my nose. If that isn’t reason to celebrate, I don’t know what is!
Please don’t think I’m a terrible person for sometimes occasionally every once and a while thinking The Lord of the Flies got it right, if you were around children as often as me…maybe you might think so too? I just have to keep referring back to this post to remind me that I really DO love being a nanny and kids really aren’t so bad after all.