To stroll aimlessly, without a plan.

I’ve officially had my first taste of my Autumn classes and I’m officially already overwhelmed, but sort of in a good way…well kind of. All of my professors seem wonderful, and two of them actually remind me of cute little grandparents and I sort of want to hug them every time I walk into class…but I refrain because, well, that would be creepy. There’s going to be A LOT of writing this quarter, as in I have multiple papers due pretty much every week and a huge capstone paper that in theory I should be working on weekly. It’s a good thing I like to write, no?

My view for the next three-ish months.

My view for the next three-ish months.

The start of classes always sort of humbles me. I realize how much in the world there is to know, and that I’m naive about 99.9% of it (or maybe even more). Take history for example, I love love love learning about history. I love reading old documents, I love looking at maps and a well written historical fiction novel makes my head spin (like…a good kind of head spinning). But here’s the thing, despite a lifetime of history courses…I don’t know the first thing about history. Today I sat in the front of my Islamic History class ferociously taking notes and lingering on every word out of the professor’s mouth because I was just in awe of this whole other world that I felt as if I knew nothing about and that’s when it hit me that there isn’t just one “other world” out there I know nothing about…there are lots!

And suddenly I was overtaken with this deep desire to just go everywhere and learn everything (aren’t we all?). I want to meet interesting people and eventually become my own interesting person, not to say I’m not interesting now but at the same time…what have I really done in my lifetime, what have I really seen? I can tell you a lot about the new line of Kate Spade school supplies and I can tell you precisely which books to read to little girls to keep them occupied before school and I can quote Blair Waldorf and Albus Dumbledore like woah…but at some point I just want to be more. I don’t want to belittle who I am, in fact I really like who I am, but I don’t think confidence should become equivalent to contentment. I want to push myself to dream bigger, and to be more, always…and if not always, at least for now. Am I making sense or is this becoming a crazy little tangent? I’ve been cooped up in the library for awhile now so maybe I’m going a little cray.

Yesterday I tried to be a grown up for half a minute and I was complete nervous wreck.

Yesterday I tried to be a grown up for half a minute and I was complete nervous wreck.

I’ve been allowing myself to dream instead of plan, and it’s a breath of fresh air. My natural tendency is to whip out my planner, flip to the notes section and map out a course of action step by step for the next week or month or even year but at this point I don’t know what that course of action is…I have ideas that excite me and scare me, that I can imagine but can’t quite plan, and I like it. If you’ve ever watched The Hills, which of course…I have, you may remember the episode in which Kelly Cutrone recites the french phrase “je voudrai flaner avec toi” to Lauren. The phrase translates (roughly) to “to stroll aimlessly without a plan”, and despite what we are in a sense “bred” to believe as students, this phrase has a positive connotation. I’d like to think my mind is sort of in a state of “je voudrai flaner avec toi” right now, it’s wandering aimlessly, bumping into new ideas and unanswered questions. I like it.

So there you go, once again I’m creating life lessons from reality television, always a good idea right?! Over the next quarter I’m trying to make an effort to challenge myself mentally in day to day life, to try and view my everyday life and situations from a new perspective (which I know will be difficult…if not impossible). I’m trying to read more and watch netflix less, to allow creativity into my life, and to feel comfortable without putting my life into list form ALL THE TIME (although I’m still not leaving my planner behind because some parts of life MUST be in list form…aka homework). What are your suggestions? Have you wandered aimlessly and found yourself happy with the results? Do you think I’ve joined some sort of crazy yoga cult and overdosed on green tea?




  1. You are so right to want more in your life!!! I support you! I am trying to do the same with myself: I read more (and I love it), I work as a teacher but I am also a law student (I don’t know if I will succeed but I wanted to try), and I want to do more and more…
    What classes are you taking? Good luck with this project!

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