Ever since I can remember I’ve always been a worrier. Throughout all four years of high school I don’t remember ever not having that crazy worrisome pit in the bottom of my stomach, I thought that was normal, how everyone walked around feeling all the time. Then I went to college and the pit grew. I went to the doctor because I couldn’t breathe sometimes and felt like I was having a “heart attack”. For a few months the doctor thought I had asthma but when the inhaler didn’t seem to work we discovered that it was much more likely that I was having anxiety attacks. Since freshman year I’ve learned strategies to cope with anxiety and to keep my anxiety enough under control that I don’t really have full on “panic attacks” (most of the time). Nonetheless I’m still pretty crazy. The other day I was walking to the library and sort of hyperventilating about printing my paper (what if the printer was broken, what if my flash drive didn’t work, what if my student account didn’t actually have enough money for the prints)and I started laughing to myself thinking about how much I was stressing out over, well, nothing. Which got me really thinking about the ridiculous situations that make me feel the most anxious (I told you, I’m crazy).
For instance I can’t handle returning anything. If I buy a pair of pants in the wrong size, if I realize I overspent, if I decide I don’t like something…whatever the reason I HATE returning anything. Nothing sends me into a full fledged panic attack more quickly than thinking about walking up to customer service and returning something. Sometimes (most of the time)I coerce other people into returning purchases for me… I’m actually starting to feel pretty anxious just writing about it right now.
The second biggest anxiety trigger is definitely being late, even if it is just a few minutes. I’m so crazy that being exactly on time even makes me a bit jittery, I want to be early, to have time to spare. In 7th grade my Dad was driving me to track practice after I had a doctor’s appointment (a totally legitimate excuse for being late) and as we pulled into the junior high parking lot I noticed the team was in the middle of doing warm ups and my heart sank. I could feel myself freaking out and I started bawling hysterically because I couldn’t stand the idea of walking into practice late. My Dad should have totally turned around and taken me to a shrink then and there because I was acting out on the Britney Spears head shaving level or like Billy Joel when Usher had more stage time than him, it was a complete melodramatic meltdown to say the least (I still feel this way when I’m going to be late to class, though I’ve learned to channel my energy a little differently and ever since I could drive I’ve rarely been late on my own accord).
Finally, my most recent discovery…the sound of the blender drives me insane. Not in a pet peeve way, obviously blenders sound obnoxious, but in a I have to take a shower when Jeff is using the blender in order to cope. Otherwise I feel as if I’m going to have a complete psychological meltdown. Whenever you feel like you’re being crazy just think of me having a mental breakdown in the shower because Jeff wanted a peanut butter and banana smoothie.
I think we’re all a little crazy, some of us a little more than others (I’m looking at you Britney). My dog, Boo, has extreme separation anxiety (who can blame her when she has a mom like me?), I’m talking rolling her kennel, tearing off cabinets and peeing on the floor than dragging a pizza box into it. Whenever I go to pick her up from the kennel after boarding her for a trip the workers talk about her like I am the owner of an emotionally unstable nut job…which I am. I love hearing about what makes other people crack, what’s your form of crazy?
Speaking of crazy, I’m crazy about these spring clothes! Can Seattle please have a sunny spring for once so I can wear them?!